because people are changing.

Finally I cave in. to the confluence of the things that have the tendency to break me down with startling consistency. It's hardly a coincidence that it is the start. of the monsoon season. It rained early this morning and it will be some mercy if the sun sleeps today. I hear stories that the second storm for this month is coming in to port and looking at the sky, perhaps they are true. It would be nice to put on some music after I get home and not think at all but as it is I still have to get this work day over.

There is this surprising calmness now like the moments when you are crossing a major eight lane highway when you can see a car hurtling towards you and you are not really sure if you will reach the other side in time. Then you run, and those moments are. zen.  The sound of your heartbeat will cut in later when you reach the other side. That is the calmness I feel right now, but still without that heartbeat thudding in my ears.

I finally get to watch the rain again and there's nothing like it.

Just to hear it falling on rooftops and concrete walkways and watch it scatter and converge and then get lost as it flows to somewhere, then the wind comes through the window bringing with it the coolness that no air conditioning can ever hope to achieve, that coolness of cool.

And as the rain continues to flow and be scattered by the wind, I know that they are not the only ones falling, flowing, scattering and then gathering again like magic colorless mercury. I finally can embrace myself again, and it is both comforting and something needed.

something long wished for and something long longed for.